I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
