In the future we'll all be gay
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
