I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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