forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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