just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
