I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
