If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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