No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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