I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize