Farmville is her only friend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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