Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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