This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
