we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
