I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
