dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
