I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
