she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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