So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
