We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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