I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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