It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
