my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
