Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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