Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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