I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
