the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
