may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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