As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
