Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize