so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
