Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
