how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He better not be in your backpack
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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