Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
