He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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