I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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