I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
