They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I can't put those talents on a resume
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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