then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize