So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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