if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
