I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
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