I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
