You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
