I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
