Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
