tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize