we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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