I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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