I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
