plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
