Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
