Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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