I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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