There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
