I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
