everyone is single if you try hard enough
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
