OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
