what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
