woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I FOUND THE LEGS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
