i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
why is half of my head shaved?
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