R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
