Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
