I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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