once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
