your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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