operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
