I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
